Monday, August 15, 2005


The Dueling Left & Right
Righty: Well, I am so grateful to God that He put Bush in the White House instead of Al Gore! Can you imagine what would have happened to us when 9/11 hit had Gore been in office? Lefty: Yeah, I can imagine! There wouldn’t have been a 9/11 if Al Gore was there instead of the guy who lost. There wouldn’t have been a war either! Al wouldn’t have ordered the CIA and FBI to quit investigating the Bin Ladens because of personal business connections with the Saudis. He wouldn’t have let our guard down like Bush did and have us fly blind right straight into 9/11. Righty: Oh, don’t give me that! It was because Bill Clinton didn’t go after Al Qaeda after the first World Trade Center attack in 1993 that Bush had to go after him now. Did you notice no one was caught and convicted for the first WTC attack? Lefty: That’s a lie and you know it. Did you notice Osama bin Laden hasn’t been caught over 2 years after 9/11? The people that attacked the WTC in 1993 are convicted and behind bars. You must have gotten that lie from right-wing radio — which turns everything around. They lie right through their teeth and smile doing it. Righty: If Clinton wouldn’t have been playing around with the chicks, none of this would have ever happened — the recession, 9/11, ENRON, WorldCom, energy crisis, states going bankrupt, the unemployed, forest fires, the deficit, shark attacks, the world hating us.... Lefty: So, what you’re saying — Clinton is the blame for everything? And Republicans never get any on the side? Yeah, right. Look what happened to Newt Gingrich and whole lot more Republican pals! Give `em credit: At least they don't require a prescription for Viagra! Righty: Oh, and don't leave out Hillary TOO. Let’s not forget that b—ch! Well, God allowed all these bad things to happen for a purpose: to punish America for putting Clinton in office, that’s all. Bill and Hillary -- the Bonnie & Clyde clowns -- wanted to make the USA into a socialist, communist state. So, God let all those bad things happen to us. Lefty: You’re joking me, right? What planet did you fly off of? You mean a thriving economy, peace, and prosperity and people making decent wages are BAD? Righty: No, what I’m saying — all the good things that happened during Clinton’s 8 years were because of Republican policies before he was on the scene. And all the bad things happening now are because of Clinton. There’s sort of a time-lapse, you know.... Lefty: No, I don’t know. And neither do economists or anybody else with sense, for that matter. I do know that if policies favor the working class and poor, then the economy goes up because ordinary folk have money to spend. But when money is taken away from them — as in Bush’s plan to steal over-time pay from from millions of workers — then the economy goes down. It’s that simple. Pad the pockets of the rich, and the rich hoard it. Take care of the whole population, and the economy booms. Why is that so hard for Bush and his rich buddies to understand? Righty: No. Trickle-down is what works. When rich people have money, they invest it in stocks and buy luxury items — like yachts and diamonds — so that poor people will work to produce yachts and diamonds. Supply-side is the way to go. Lefty: You mean that America will get rich because most of the people will turn into servants and butlers for the rich? And enlist as poor soldier boys to fight their wars? Righty: Sort of like that, except they’ll work in Mercedes factories and for country clubs. Free markets, you know.... Lefty: And most of the taxdollars will also come from the middle class because of Bush, because his rich friends will get off the hook. Giving huge tax cuts to the rich and pushing the national debt to the sky is your idea of a booming economy? Making sure jobs are shipped overseas and corporate headquarters moved offshore to evade taxes are choices Bush’s friends make. Is that your idea of “growing the economy”? Are they PATRIOTIC or just PATHETIC? Righty: Well, the rich deserve what they got because they worked hard for it and used their brains instead of living off welfare like you lazy liberals. I’d rather keep my money instead of giving it to the government to spend on welfare queens. Lefty: That’s another lie by the right. Most “welfare” goes to corporations. Most spending goes to big-ticket items contracted out to the defense industry and corporations that happen to contribute to the Republican Party. Like Halliburton and Bechtel. Where do you think most of the money is going in Iraq? The Iraqis? Righty: Tax and spend Democrats are what’s the problem with this country. Democrats never saw a tax increase they didn’t like. Lefty: Where’d you hear that? Righty: Oh, I think I heard that from Rush Limbaugh the other day.... or was it Bush at a fundraiser? Lefty: You mean the drug addict who got off the hook because of big bucks and crooked cronies? Righty: You are so mean! We should be praying for Rush & Bush instead of bashing them. Lefty: That means we should be praying for every person with substance abuse problems.... Righty: No, I’m not saying that. Most of them should be locked up with the key thrown away.... Lefty: Let me get this straight.... So, how do we know whether to pray for someone or just put them away for life? What’s the difference? Righty: Rush Limbaugh and people like him are god-fearing and patriotic. But the rest are nothing but trash to be carried away and dumped somewhere.... Lefty: Oh, I get it! Right-wingers are GOOD and PATRIOTIC. All others are EVIL and UN-AMERICAN, right? Righty: Well, if you put it that way.... Lefty: And what about all those right-wing televangelists and preachers who either got caught with their pants down or snorting coke or something....? Righty: But, Clinton did it right there in the Oval Office! Disgusting. No wonder our country is in trouble.... Lefty: But, what about Bush? He pulled an insider-trading scheme and cheated stockholders out of $15 million. Compare that with Martha Stewart’s $12,000. Drop in the bucket. She only was targeted because #1 — she’s Democrat, and #2 — she’s female. All Bush’s buddies, include Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, get off the hook — while anyone not in Bush’s camp gets clobbered. Righty: Now, Bush is a man of God. He prays everyday, attends Bible studies, and was born-again a few years ago. He may not be all that PERFECT, but at least he’s FORGIVEN. Not like you liberal Democrats. He’s got courage. He’s brave. And he’s the best president we ever had. Lefty: You’re sick, you know that? Actions speak louder than words, and Bush is no man of God. The Bible says, “You shall know them by their fruits.” And Bush has produced nothing but wars, misery, death and destruction all over the world. Everything he touches turns to s—t. I suppose you’ve never looked into Bush’s affiliation with the PROJECT FOR A NEW AMERICAN CENTURY, have you? Righty: No, what’s that? Lefty: It was a group formed in 1997 to plan the war against Iraq and to plan to make the U.S. a world empire into the 21st century. Most of the charter members are now on staff in Bush’s White House, and they are the ones who pushed us into war against Iraq instead of finishing the job against Al Qaeda. Righty: Oh, that’s all liberal lies! You people would do anything and say anything to get at Bush, wouldn’t you? Lefty: No, It’s all true. Look it up. Bush and his friends fabricated every bit of the “intelligence” to convince Americans to go to war. Problem is, America is now in greater danger because Al Qaeda wasn’t eliminated and the U.S. has not determined to have a balanced foreign policy in the Middle East — which is the breeding ground for terrorism. Our best defense is BALANCE, but Bush will have no part of it because it doesn’t cater to his corporate pals who want to exploit resources and the working poor all over the world for their bottom-line. They aren’t patriotic in the least, but they sure put on a show for FOX and right-wing radio so they can dupe more people. Righty: Oh, I’ve had about enough of your garbage, you traitor! Instead of seeing the good our president has done in protecting us, you bring out nothing but bad.... Lefty: Well, sorry to say, it is mostly BAD what he’s done — not only to our country, but the whole world. He’s the stooly of corporate interests, not the servant of the American public. He cares more for the bottom-line of crony corporations who are destroying this country than he does for the bottom-line of 90% of Americans who are the foundation. Righty: Oh, you have it all wrong. Pat Robertson said that God told him Bush would win by a landslide this year. And I believe God is on Bush’s side no matter what you say. Lefty: Just go ahead and believe that hogwash. If Bush wins, America loses. If Bush wins, tell your young friends to get ready for the DRAFT. Tell them to get ready to DIE. If Bush wins, you’d better sell your stocks and prepare a whole lot better than you did for Y2K. Because the s—t’s going to hit the fan like never before. You say that “God” is behind Bush? I don’t believe that for a moment! And neither does the rest of the world. I’m sorry for only one thing, Righty, that you’re so brainwashed, you’ll never be able to see the truth. So, take care, and God HELP America! Righty: God bless America! We’re God’s chosen and the rest of the world are losers. Why don’t you pack up and move to another country if you don’t agree with Bush and what he’s doing? Lefty: Thought about it.... but, no, I won’t give up my country because of an incompetent hypocrite sitting in the White House. Don’t forget to pick up your Y2K supplies, and make sure they’re made in the USA so you can claim patriotism! Good luck with Führer Bush! Zeig Heil!
Satire by Loren Adams • Fayetteville AR USA • January 9, 2004 Send comments to:
Iraq In The Name Of Freedom
village voice > news > Schlock 'N' Roll by Ward SuttonBUBBA vsDUBYA


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