Thursday, October 27, 2005

Battle Hymn of the Republicans!!!

BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLICANS Mine Eyes have seen the bungling of that stumbling moron Bush; he has blathered all the drivel that the neo-cons can push; he has lost sight of all reason 'cause his head is up his tush; The Doofus marches on. I have heard him butcher syntax like a kindergarten fool; There is warranted suspicion that he never went to school; Should we fault him for the policies - or is he just their tool? The lies keep piling on. Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'. Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'! Glory! Glory! How he'll Screw Ya'! His wreckage will live on.

A REALITY SPEECH WE SHOULD HEAR !!!

"My fellow Americans, it's time to face reality, the invasion and occupation of Iraq has cost thousands of lives, wasted hundreds of billions of dollars and provided one of the most active recruiting boon's in the history of Al Qaeda.
I know it's caused a lot of stress for millions of people, of course it's had a very positive effect for me, the Vice President, all my Immediate family, close associates and staff, we have all increased our net worth with the high price of oil, so we count that as a blessing direct from GOD, thanks be to Jesus, I pray to him every morning and my financial gains have been abundant.
I realize the invasion has left America more isolated and less respected than ever. But again thanks to GOD, the election went better than I had ever hoped, we have Karl Rove to thank for that, with his WMD's [weapons of mass distraction] He was a genius, bringing up same sex marriage as one of the greatest major issues dividing our country. Instead of the real controversial issue of providing our troops with proper equipment and armor. Formulating an exit plan, of course there is no safe way to get out of Iraq now, it's up to 80 and 100 insurgent attacks per month, hundreds of innocent civilians are dying daily so we prefer not to openly and honestly discuss that subject.
That May Day in 2003 when I so proudly stood on the Ship and said MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, nobody including myself and my very incompetent advisors had ever anticipated such a great number of insurgents could be recruited. Even though my Father had warned me. Iraq is descending into civil war, the insurgency and our casualties are growing, it's starting to cause me some concern for the Republican party, particularly the incumbents who will be up for reelection in 2006. Another great concern is those damn Downing Street memos, those could create some big problems if they get into the wrong hands, but I believe we have that covered. Thank GOD for Rumsfield and his staying power, as well as our dedicated soldiers who have been forced to stay the course months beyond their rotation time, and without the proper equipment I might add, even to the objection of their families and over 60% of the country, I'm sure glad I don't have to run for reelection with under 39% approval rating.

My tax cuts have left the country with record deficits, the slowest job growth since the Great Depression and the greatest inequality since the Gilded Age, but I am Born Again and believe the Lord will provide. Praise the blood of Jesus for our sins are washed away. Praise his name, "GLORY"
My trade policies have racked up the highest trade deficits in the annals of nations, and left us dependent on the willingness of the Chinese and Japanese governments to keep buying our bonds despite the continuing fall of the dollar, but again, In GOD we trust. Praise be to GOD. Actually we just peeked again, our dollar is strong. Unfortunately wages are more stagnant then they have ever been in five decades and college is getting priced out of the reach of more and more working families.
I know I have broken my promises on funding for schools, and just pushed through a cut in Pell grants to over seven million students. But God will provide. We have higher priority issues's, such as health care costs that are soaring.
Did you know there are actually only about sixty eight-million people, men, women and children without any kind of health insurance, out of three hundred million, that's not bad, thanks be to GOD. We rank number 47 for the best health care in the world but have the most expensive health care. In response, I've blocked efforts to control the costs of prescription drugs, I owe that industry as much as I do the oil industry so don't expect any policy changes in your favor, that's the beast of doing business and holding a high political office. In fact I have signed and approved 47 pieces of legislation that will benefit corporations and the business community.
Let's be a strong America, Stay the course, pound the rock.....GOD BLESS YOU ALL and GOD BLESS AMERICA

NOTE:
He called, as Presidents do, for Americans to dream. But Bush's dreams are America's nightmares. I honestly believe with all his Christian rhetoric that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
The reality is, that most of our politicians, no matter what party affiliation, have become so self serving that we will all end up paying the price.

I have no doubts of the atrocities that Saddam is responsible for.
But remember, we, Reagan / Rumsfield, actually GAVE him WMD's and POISON to gas people. G W Bush would be just as capable if we did not have a constitution to protect us. This war was planned several years ago and that was the whole objective of Bush becoming president no matter what the cost. Cheney, Rumsfield, Wolfewitz had been planning the invasion for years prior to 9/11

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

What could he possibly do to top this ?????

The next three years couldn't be any worse.
What could he possibly do to top this?
“Bush's Accomplishments thus far
I attacked and took over three countries, installed puppet governments and called it “democracy.”
I totally blew the Katrina relief effort and had political lackies in position of importance that they were incompetent to handle. Making it worse, I defended their actions regardless of the incompetence
My friend and chief advisor, whom I affectionately call “Turdblossom” (Karl Rove), committed treason and I refused to dismiss him
I have insisted on promoting religious fascism and tried to call it “freedom
I packed the Supreme Court so I won't be convicted as a traitor.
I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US treasury.
I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy to beat old Ronny Ray-gun)
Over 2000 American youth have died for my insanity and over 25,000 more seriously wounded
Over 150,000 civilians have been killed on my orders, 60% of them women and children.
I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
In my first year in office I set the all-time record for the most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did).
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. After only five years, I have taken more vacation time than any other president ever for eight years.
I set the record for most campaign raising trips by any president in US history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I am the only president since Hoover not to create a single job in my first term in office.
I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history.
I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any other president in US history, (beating old Ronnie again.)
I set the record for fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV, and
I hired fake reporters to ask me preplanned easy questions to divert attention from real issues.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. (Hell, friends stick together, Lay ain’t goin’ down!)
I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history. (Those guys didn’t have my needs)
I cut health-care benefits for war veterans. (Gotta balance the budget somehow after givin’ all those tax breaks to my buddies)
I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (well over 15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any one person in the history of mankind. (Kinda makes me proud of the recognition. Won’t let them into my rallies and I do keep names!) I am now the worlds’ “most hated person.”
I dissolved more International Treaties than any president in US history. (We don’t need no stinkin’ treaties, we be the biggest and most powerful) (smirk, smirk)
I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. I have made my fathers record, my record and the records of my appointees “National Security” over senatorial objections. (What they don’t know, won’t hurt me)
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in USzhistory (the poorest multimillionaire, my kissipoo friend Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her).
I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy.
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.
I am the first president in US history to have aborted my pregnant girl friend (Robin Lowman in 1971).
I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the US.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US
I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations to remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.
I removed more checks and balances and have the least congressional oversight of any presidential administration in US history.
I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant to our policies.
I withdrew from the World Court Of Law.
I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations elections inspectors access during the 2002 elections.
I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for the most corporate campaign donations.
The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation)
I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1).
I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. (They’re all my father’s spook friends).
I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europez(75+%) view my presidency as the “biggest threat to world peace and stability.”
I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated USzlaws by not selling their huge investments in corporations that later made bids for gov. contracts.
I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War.
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category straight down.
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine(Texas driving record has been erased and is “not available”).
I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about cocaine use.
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records of any SEC investigation into my insider trading or bankrupted companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All minutes of meetings of any public corporations for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings
I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. Hey folks, copy this and pass it along to everyone that you know and even those people that you do not know. This is vital, we should all know U.S. history and these facts are a huge part of our current history.<
Three countries? Iraq (never a threat to the US), Afghanistan (never a threat to the US), and Haiti (never a threat to the US) My father did Iraq, Somalia (we lost there), Panama, Haiti and Greneda. We’re tough guys we are, real shit faced, bible banging Texans (from Connecticut)
And this folks is just the SHORT LIST

BLUE STATES ! RED STATES !

The party that so gloriously brought this country the fabulous Red Scare of the 1950s, in a bit of an about-face, has now made the godly throughout America scared they are not a Red. State, that is. With this in mind, I have drafted this handy list as a quick reference to determine if you are living in one of those demon-infested Blue States – or Jesusland!
Blue States:
Home of good schools
Red States:
Homeskooled good
Blue States:
Want a big tent for their Party.
Red States:
Wears a big tent to her party.
Blue States:
Favor electric cars
Red States:
Favor electric chairs
Blue States:
Concerned about ballooning deficits' effect on capital markets turning gains into thin air
Red States:
Concerned about whether it's demons that make balloons float in thin air
Blue States:
Dream of making enough money to kite and swim with Czechs in Biarritz
Red States:
Dream of kiting enough checks to swim in Schlitz
Blue States:
Favor institutionalized health care for the poor
Red States:
Favor institutionalizing the poor
Blue States:
After the 9/11 attacks, put coffins in the ground
Red States:
After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the car
Blue States:
Forget that God did not give Adam a Steve
Red States:
Forget that not only did God give Abraham three wives, He gave Solomon 300 concubines
Blue States:
Enormous cities that serve as the engines of human progress
Red States:
Enormous Hummers that serve as the engines for Arab oil
Blue States:
Provide the "tax" part of "tax and spend"
Red States:
Provide the "spend on a new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden"
part of "tax and spend"
Blue States:
Believe we're all brothers and sisters under the skin.
Red States:
Don't mind if we're brothers and sisters under the sheets.
Blue States:
Fighting to clean up skid row
Red States:
Fighting to clean up skid marks
Blue States:
9/11 survivors mourned at night as the television coverage showed those killed
Red States:
Mourned television coverage of 9/11 that killed that night's "Survivor" show
Blue States:
Concerned about global warming
Red States:
Don't like to travel and are too fat to fit in an airline seat anyway, so glad to hear that the tropics are coming to Texas. Yee-haw!
Blue States:
Follow Jesus, but doesn't believe in Him
Red States:
Believe in Jesus, but doesn't follow Him
Blue States:
Want to repeal the Patriot Act
Red States:
Want to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation
Blue States:
Looking for a method to weaken China every day
Red States:
Sold everyday china for a weekend of meth
Blue States:
Favor drafting annoying laws on assault rifles
Red States:
Assault annoying in-laws with rifles after being drafted
Blue States:
Want the right for everyone to worship as they choose
Red States:
Want the right to choose everyone's worship
Blue States:
Champion women wrestling with the right to choose
Red States:
Choose women's wrestling championships
Blue States:
Want a rational energy policy
Red States:
Want policy of energetic irrationalism
Blue States:
Used benefits to assist victims on account of attacks
Red States:
Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith's bank account
Blue States:
Watched friends in New York die in foxy attacks on America
Red States:
Attack New York on Fox for not being friends of America
Blue States:
Believe God loves us and gave everyone free will to be different
Red States:
Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone different
Blue States:
Believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
Red States:
Believe abstinence saves the tart from plunder
Blue States:
Believe in Mr. Darwin's theory of "Evolution"
Red States:
Believe in Mr. Jesus' "Talking Snake" theory
Blue States:
Slave to pay inheritance taxes
Red States:
Inherited slaves
Blue States:
Buy art
Red States:
Collect Beanie Babies

Thursday, October 13, 2005

GEORGE W. BUSH RESUME

Past work experience:
Ran for congress and lost.
Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.Accomplishments: Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court.
Accomplishments as president:
Attacked and took over two countries.
Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history.
After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history.
Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.
Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history.
Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
Signed more laws and executive orders circumventing the Constitution than any president in US history.
Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed.
Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.
Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/)
Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleezza Rice has an Chevron oil tanker named after her).
Had more states to simultaneously go bankrupt than any president in the history of the United States.
Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world.
Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board.
Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.
Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant.
Withdrew from the World Court of Law.
Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.
First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections).
All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation).
Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.
First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
First president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1)
First US president to establish a secret shadow government.
Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).
With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
Fist US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability.
First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts.
Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects.
In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.
Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history.
In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down.
Records and References:
At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war.
Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view.
Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review.