Monday, November 07, 2005

Dear Red States...

Dear Red States... >> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and> we're taking the other Blue States with us.>> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We> believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially> to the people of the new country of New California.>> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.> We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot> Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.>> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.> We get Intel, Apple, Boeing, GM,.Ford, Catepillar, Oracle, Sun, and Microsoft. You get WorldCom, Enron, and Walmart> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You> get Alabama.> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states> pay their fair share.>> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the> Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a> bunch of single moms.>> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be for separation of church and state and> anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at> once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have> kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no> purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and> hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our> resources in Bush's Quagmire.>> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent> of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple> and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of> America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)> 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most> of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and> condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.>> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care> costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the> tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern> Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,> Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.>> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.>> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred> unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say> that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved> in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people> with higher morals then we Blue Staters.

Good luck in Iraq you will need it..
Bush's Budget Deficits are taking away our future


Anonymous The Fat Lady Sings said...

As long as those of us stuck out here in red land have the opportunity to get the hell out, I'm with you. I would give anything to one again trod the diverse shores of the Pacific Northwest - living in the land of homogenizes really sucks.

12:28 PM  
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