Monday, November 07, 2005

Dear Red States...

Dear Red States... >> We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and> we're taking the other Blue States with us.>> In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,> Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We> believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially> to the people of the new country of New California.>> To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.> We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot> Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.>> We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.> We get Intel, Apple, Boeing, GM,.Ford, Catepillar, Oracle, Sun, and Microsoft. You get WorldCom, Enron, and Walmart> We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.> We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You> get Alabama.> We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states> pay their fair share.>> Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the> Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a> bunch of single moms.>> Please be aware that Nuevo California will be for separation of church and state and> anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at> once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have> kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no> purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their> children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and> hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our> resources in Bush's Quagmire.>> With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent> of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple> and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of> America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)> 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most> of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and> condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,> Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.>> With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88> percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care> costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the> tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern> Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,> Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.>> We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.>> Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was> actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred> unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say> that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved> in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people> with higher morals then we Blue Staters.


Good luck in Iraq you will need it..
Bush's Budget Deficits are taking away our futurehttp://www.cbpp.org/9-29-03bud-press.htm

2 Comments:

Anonymous The Fat Lady Sings said...

As long as those of us stuck out here in red land have the opportunity to get the hell out, I'm with you. I would give anything to one again trod the diverse shores of the Pacific Northwest - living in the land of homogenizes really sucks.

12:28 PM  
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