Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Condi - Another new job?

"If Condoleezza Rice Were A Mall Security Guard"


"Ms. Rice, the Banana Republic has been looted by armed thugs and the Sunglasses Hut is on fire!"

"Nobody could have foreseen such a thing." (blows nose)

"What are you blowing your nose on?"

(unwads paper) "Some kinda Saf-T-Guards memorandum from last month: 'Armed Thugs Determined To Strike Panda Express.' Whatever that means."

"I think it means that armed thugs were going to hide in vats of Panda Express sweet and sour sauce and pop out during the lunch rush, terrorizing the customers."
"Jesus, like anybody could have seen that coming.""Well, it happened at Northcross Mall about a year ago. Didn't you get the continuity notebook from the previous security guard?"
"I don't do historical documents. I'm all about the future.""What about the JC Penney floor manager? Didn't he mention the skateboarding problem?"

"I can't really remember what I even had for breakfast this morning."

"But we have it on videotape!"

"Fucking stop riding me, asshole, I gotta get a manicure at Visible Changes and hit the Payless Shoes clearance sale!"

"That's the kind of spunk I like! You're promoted to Highland Mall Armed Punk Liaison! Long may your community dialogues be facilitated!"


More here for the metaphorically impaired. You can also construct your own Dennis Hastert as the general manager of a Chuck E. Cheese Funtime Pizza Parlor scenario, so long as it ends with his being fired after overlooking the shenanigans of the deviant employee who installed a risque soundtrack for the animatronic animal musicians. Or skimming cheesy pepperoni rolls for personal consumption.


From: www.norbizness.com

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